jack handey's deep thoughts

Hoje lembrei-me do Jack Handey, personagem da TV nos EEUU, e que me fazia rir até às lágrimas quando tinha 20 anos. Descobri que ainda faz. E acho que tem a ver com o Bruno Aleixo. Nem toda a gente gosta, mas quem gosta... enjoy---

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.


If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.

If you ever fall off of the Empire State Building, go limp because then people might think you're a dummy and try to catch you, because hey, free dummy!

I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they
don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with
some good ideas.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.